I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
when your parents walk in when a sex scene is on
if you put “man” at the end of any sentence its AUTOMATICALLY platonic
"i love you, man."
"stay with me forever, man."
"fuck me hard in the ass, man."
there are people that use their phone in the bathroom and there are people that lie